I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
