Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
