You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
