Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
