Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
