why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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