ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
