Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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