what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
