The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
