I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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