Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
