I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
