instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
