All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
