My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
