careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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