I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
