no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
