my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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