I showed him my bush... on skype.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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