i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
