Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
