I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
