A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
