Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
