Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
