If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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