She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
