I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
do herpes really smell.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
