I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
