people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
