Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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