everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
