I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
