btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
