Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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