i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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