So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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