Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
