he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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