Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
