You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
