I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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