Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
