I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
