I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
