Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
