There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
