Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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