babies were throwing up all over the place
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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