Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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