My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
