i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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